dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

On children as harbingers of wedding disaster.

As we know, one of the odder customs of weddings in the Western European cultural zone is the addition of tender-aged children to the wedding party. This seems to be a survival of Roman civilization in which a young woman preceded the bride and groom with fertility symbols in hopes that the gods would bless them with many sons. Over the millennia, this has mutated into making a little girl wear a fancy dress and scatter flower petals in front of the bridal party because that's the way it's always been.

The reason that I mention this is that for some reason, flower girls in the Foobiverse have always been seen as portents of doom instead of good fortune. We start with Lizzie and her reticence to be the first person down the aisle. We know that she has an instinctive dread of sticking her neck out because we know that her subconscious mind is haunted by a Looming Shape Of Sullen Imbecile Malice that never goes away and went on to recite the speech at her own wedding. The insane stress Georgia heaped on herself believing in sympathetic magic made Lizzie into someone who wants to ruin her perfect wedding and thus guarantee a wind-blown future of acrimony and despair.

Fourteen years later, we have to deal with April having one job: not blurting out that Mike and Deanna were actually legally married during the run-up to the big sham wedding of both placating and making a fool out of Pushy Ethnic Monster Mother Mira. Given that she's a good sport and she hated bullies, she bought into the lie and totally blanked out on the real threat: the fact that LIZARDBREATH was the one person the Pattersons still don't trust to keep her mouth shut about things.

Eight years ago, we had to deal with the most baffling and pathetic example of this tendency. On the one hand, we had Francoise and Robin simply making harmless wordplay. On the other, we had a screaming nitwit on her way to sacrificing any sort of chance that she'd escape fealty to her asshole parents on the teal-and-lavender altar of marrying her stalker having a screeching fit because babbling children having fun would somehow cause the apocalypse.

Hmmm. Now that I think of it, there's a common thread that links all three incidents of mass child-hatred: Liz. Perhaps it isn't children per se that make weddings worse. Perhaps it's the presence of a crazy-ass nitwit with no idea what a social norm might be.
Tags: liz makes weddings worse.

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