dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

Michael at forty: a proposal.

Of course, it's not just the fact that Elly fully expects to keel over dead when it's exactly sixty five years and one second after she was born that's probably making life in Milborough unbearable. We have to remember that Mike was born when she was just shy of twenty-five and is probably making a big, panicky idiot of himself because he's at the ripe ooooooold age of forty. While he does have some cause to panic owing to his having returned to a suburb filled with people who take horrible care of themselves, it's hard to sympathize with him at this great distance owing to the fact that Elly wants to be the bride at every funeral and the corpse at every wedding.

Not only can he not be old before his time because that's her job, he also can't have a defiant monster child filled with a baffling need to defy loving parents because she needs to monopolize the martyrdom. This means that when he starts wailing and moaning about how for some reason, Meredith has entered a world of darkness and says angry, confusing and hateful things like "When I need you and Mom, you're a million miles away and she looks like one of the Walking Dead", Elly will tell him to drink a tall, cool glass of STFU not because she sympathizes with teenagers but because she's the only person in history to ever have been inconvenienced. Heh. He should know better to try to outdo the Mistress Of Martyrdom.
Tags: elly on her cross, mike patterson: universal idiot

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