dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

The Candiru Calendar

To continue on from yesterday, it's sort of obvious that the reasons that most calendars seem designed more of the Sabbath than for Man is that religious figures of one description or another got hold of them. Since humorlessness, stubbornness, impracticality and silliness to a Pattersonian extent appear to be holy, we end up with a sort of a mess of a calendar that divides the year on an uneven basis and attaches too much emphasis to magic cycles. The day is broken up into twelves and sixties because of some ancient and perhaps useless cycles, the week is an odd number because of something else and the only thing that does make any sort of sense is how we reconcile the fact that the year is 365.2422 days long.

The closest people ever really tried to get to any sort of rational calendar was during the French Revolution but that failed because it was designed BY the French. Instead of having rational-sounding month names like "Primimens", "Duomens" and the like to go with their overly long ten-day "week", they acted like French people and assumed that being Frenchmen and living in France was the default setting for humanity. Also, it was designed to celebrate the Republic and, well, that's only two centuries ago and would be really impractical. To make the damned thing be more universal and useful, we'd have to go back a lot further than 1792 for a Year One. Adding six thousand and one (six thousand after January) to the current year (thereby making this 8017) would spare us the trouble of having to worry about AD or BC or CE or BCE and the like and starting the year more or less when the Settlepocalypse took place (22 August) would make more sense than having New Years when it's cold as a witch's teat outside. Second, naming the months 'Alpha', 'Beta' and so on through the Greek alphabet and doing what the Quakers do and calling weekdays "Firstday" through "Seventhday" would make more sense really than the patchwork system of month and weekday names we have today. Similarly, we can stagger the lengths of months so that we can get 365 days:
Alpha = 31, Beta = 30, Gamma = 31, Delta =30, Epsilon = 31, Zeta = 29 (30 in leap years), Eta = 31, Theta = 30, Iota = 31, Kappa = 30, Lambda = 31, Mu = 30) and drop the leap day when the year is divisible exactly by 128 to get it closer to the solar year than it is now. This would make today "Thirdday, 6 Eta 8017" if someone sensible were to design something that would really help people deal with the passage of time. The Pattersons would probably be even more self-serving than the cruelest autocrat of historical record and arrange things to highlight their 'virtues' of entitlement and disappointment.

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