dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,
dreadedcandiru2
dreadedcandiru2

On the care and feeding of designated heroes.

Of course, it's not just the Pattersons and those luckless enough to marry them that lose out because of glaring character defects. As I type this, I do so in the knowledge that Elly is still convinced that Connie Poirier is some sort of inspirational figure who can stand as an example of courage and triumph over adversity. This is because Elly is rock-stupid and tends to take exaggerated claims at face value.

I find myself being what Lynn would probably refer to as a hating snarker-troll fungus person because unlike Elly, I remember that Connie is defined by the following attributes:
  1. Teeth-grinding stupidity: Despite Elly's belief that Connie is one of the smarter people in her social circle, I can count the clear-headed and rational decisions she's made on the thumbs of one hand. Case in point: her fear of Dirk because he was homely and she'd be blamed for the ugly babies Molly would have.
  2. Stomach-churning vanity: Every damned thing in sight has to be all about her and her needs and any claim to the needs of others is clearly an attempt to beat her to her knees and leave her with nothing.
  3. A horrifying lack of self-awareness: She'll be the first to tell you that she's not some pathetic zombie flinging herself at men because she's a needy freak; it's just that if she doesn't have a man, ANY man, she might as well be dead.
  4. A need to evade personal responsibility: This horror she has of admitting that she makes one stupid and impossible life choice after another forces her to plead the question via an army of straw men.
  5. A concomitant need to hog the credit due to others: This explains her belief that someone else's grandchild is somehow her heir because she pretended that she was a great influence on someone she stupidly alienated.


The horrifying mess that Connie is would naturally appeal to Elly because she too wants to do stupid crap like equating a child wanting to eat a hot dog with actual flavour in with said child wanting to stab her poor mother in the heart and reject her love and so on and so forth owing to a similar discreditable vanity and stupidity. Simply put, they're idiots together banded together to marvel at the stupidity of an even worse and intentionally unsympathetic nitwit housewife.
Tags: just say noir
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